Hello :o)
I have to tell you all how i feel....... hurt, let down, bruised, betrayed, hurt and more hurt..... just when i thought my life was going somewhere, that it had meaning again, i was so happy ...... i should have realised that real happiness and me don't go together. (woe me....lol) .... Stuart came into my life bringing with him all the happiness my heart could hold, it was wonderful, i loved him and every time we met i fell a little bit more in love with him. This was the man i wanted to spend the rest of my life with......in my silly moments i even tried his surname on for size..... Mrs Jayne B........ it sounded wonderful.
Now all that happiness has burst.........gone...........all the things he said to me, whispered in my ear during tender moments........the way he made me giggle, his kisses, his impromptu little gifts, his silly jokes......all gone...........
Its over, things have been said and there is no going back. Another chapter of life closed.
Speaky soon X
Wednesday, 14 April 2010
Tuesday, 16 February 2010
Hello :o)
I have moved...... again ! I was all nice and snug in my little pad by the sea and then a friend persuaded me to share with her and so we have moved into a lovely flat with sea views and yes i have the room with the en suite - it feels like i am staying in a hotel every night ....(giggles). I am sure life is going to be so much fun now and i hate to think of the adventures we will get up to.
Stuart surprised me with an impromtu visit this weekend.........well we just had to be 'together' for our first real Valentines day didn't we. Saturday evening there was a knock on the door, Sandra got up to see who it was, 'i hope its not for me' i said 'i'm too shattered to go out'......few seconds later Sandra says 'it is for you'.......'who' ? 'go and see' she said. Standing at the door was Stuart with a huge red heart shaped balloon and a Teddy just as huge ...... i love him so much (giggles)..... we had a fabulous weekend and there were tears at departure time on Monday evening.
Speaky soon :o)
I have moved...... again ! I was all nice and snug in my little pad by the sea and then a friend persuaded me to share with her and so we have moved into a lovely flat with sea views and yes i have the room with the en suite - it feels like i am staying in a hotel every night ....(giggles). I am sure life is going to be so much fun now and i hate to think of the adventures we will get up to.
Stuart surprised me with an impromtu visit this weekend.........well we just had to be 'together' for our first real Valentines day didn't we. Saturday evening there was a knock on the door, Sandra got up to see who it was, 'i hope its not for me' i said 'i'm too shattered to go out'......few seconds later Sandra says 'it is for you'.......'who' ? 'go and see' she said. Standing at the door was Stuart with a huge red heart shaped balloon and a Teddy just as huge ...... i love him so much (giggles)..... we had a fabulous weekend and there were tears at departure time on Monday evening.
Speaky soon :o)
Monday, 11 January 2010
Time
Hello :o)
I cannot believe we are at the start of yet another decade. What makes the years go so fast ? I retire in the year 2022 and that is scarily not that far away. My mind wanders to that year and tries to imagine what i will look like, how physically fit will i be and what will my financial status be?
I want a good retirement, whatever i am able to afford i want it to be fun. Its all just twelve years away ...... oh my goodness, twelve years. I am more than halfway thru my life........my mortality is getting closer. I think of the generations of family above me that have all passed on including my parents and life feels so short, i also think of time past and how much of it i have wasted or frittered away and how i thought there was plenty of time, but there is never plenty of time, i realise this now i am older.
What do you believe in ? i believe there is another life after this one, and hopefully several more after that one. I just cannot believe we go thru this life experiencing so much for there not to be something at the end of it - it would be so pointless. De ja Vue ? flashbacks of a previous life, your brain trying to tell you something about your previous life or maybe even a future life. I don't know, it hurts to much to think about it (laughs).
Life is exciting, every day is exciting, not knowing what the day has in store for you is exciting, i feel happy and full of hope every day - ok, so some days this feeling hides itself, but its never far from the surface. It feels good to be alive and i feel lucky to have a roof over my head, a job and some money in my purse, to have good friends who care. Friendships are so important, and you have to nurture, encourage and show love to make them grow. I wish i lived nearer to all my brothers, i miss them and think of them and when we were kids, how close we were, how we liked to play and how our parents encouraged us to love each other. That feels like a lifetime ago - and now my brothers have children of their own, and those children are just reaching the age of 30 who have children of their own - life repeating itself.
So here i am, my 53rd Birthday just months away from me. Some people have complied a tick list of what they wish to achieve by the time they are 50. I have no such list, i guess i could write one, 'Things i wish to have done by the time i am 60' ........ Hmmmm.... i've always wanted to see the sunrise at Stonehenge, i'd like to go to 'Glastonbury Fest', even to see the Great Wall of China would be fab and i guess if i put my mind to it i could come up with lots of weird and wonderful things, but the truth is i do not have a passion or a fire inside me that drives me to achieve these things. I am contented. I have never really been driven to strive for anything or felt such passion to achieve. I do have a passion for friends and family and life, this passion was shown to me by my parents, i've never stepped outside the box to expect more, i have always known what was obtainable and to be happy with this. Does that sound too simple ? Life is not complicated and i like the saying 'life is what you make it' it is exactly that. We are in control, i am in control, this is my life it will be whatever i choose it to be within the realms of realism.
2010 has two new beginnings for me. I have fallen deeply in love with Stuart. We met about 8 years ago, we became friends, i never imagined then that i would love him this much. My other new beginning is another move, but only up the road, another new home which i will be sharing with my friend Sandra. She says we will be like the 'golden girls' (giggling) this has just got to be experienced to be believed (giggles). I am looking forward to the year ahead, it will be whatever i choose it to be.
Speaky soon :o)
I cannot believe we are at the start of yet another decade. What makes the years go so fast ? I retire in the year 2022 and that is scarily not that far away. My mind wanders to that year and tries to imagine what i will look like, how physically fit will i be and what will my financial status be?
I want a good retirement, whatever i am able to afford i want it to be fun. Its all just twelve years away ...... oh my goodness, twelve years. I am more than halfway thru my life........my mortality is getting closer. I think of the generations of family above me that have all passed on including my parents and life feels so short, i also think of time past and how much of it i have wasted or frittered away and how i thought there was plenty of time, but there is never plenty of time, i realise this now i am older.
What do you believe in ? i believe there is another life after this one, and hopefully several more after that one. I just cannot believe we go thru this life experiencing so much for there not to be something at the end of it - it would be so pointless. De ja Vue ? flashbacks of a previous life, your brain trying to tell you something about your previous life or maybe even a future life. I don't know, it hurts to much to think about it (laughs).
Life is exciting, every day is exciting, not knowing what the day has in store for you is exciting, i feel happy and full of hope every day - ok, so some days this feeling hides itself, but its never far from the surface. It feels good to be alive and i feel lucky to have a roof over my head, a job and some money in my purse, to have good friends who care. Friendships are so important, and you have to nurture, encourage and show love to make them grow. I wish i lived nearer to all my brothers, i miss them and think of them and when we were kids, how close we were, how we liked to play and how our parents encouraged us to love each other. That feels like a lifetime ago - and now my brothers have children of their own, and those children are just reaching the age of 30 who have children of their own - life repeating itself.
So here i am, my 53rd Birthday just months away from me. Some people have complied a tick list of what they wish to achieve by the time they are 50. I have no such list, i guess i could write one, 'Things i wish to have done by the time i am 60' ........ Hmmmm.... i've always wanted to see the sunrise at Stonehenge, i'd like to go to 'Glastonbury Fest', even to see the Great Wall of China would be fab and i guess if i put my mind to it i could come up with lots of weird and wonderful things, but the truth is i do not have a passion or a fire inside me that drives me to achieve these things. I am contented. I have never really been driven to strive for anything or felt such passion to achieve. I do have a passion for friends and family and life, this passion was shown to me by my parents, i've never stepped outside the box to expect more, i have always known what was obtainable and to be happy with this. Does that sound too simple ? Life is not complicated and i like the saying 'life is what you make it' it is exactly that. We are in control, i am in control, this is my life it will be whatever i choose it to be within the realms of realism.
2010 has two new beginnings for me. I have fallen deeply in love with Stuart. We met about 8 years ago, we became friends, i never imagined then that i would love him this much. My other new beginning is another move, but only up the road, another new home which i will be sharing with my friend Sandra. She says we will be like the 'golden girls' (giggling) this has just got to be experienced to be believed (giggles). I am looking forward to the year ahead, it will be whatever i choose it to be.
Speaky soon :o)
Thursday, 31 December 2009
Goodbye 2009
Hello :o)
2009 was a year of moving on - it is now three years since my Mum passed away. Its been difficult adjusting to life without her. My life will never be the same and i have learnt to accept that now and realise that life is still good but in a different kind of way. I moved into my lovely little flat by the sea at the end of March and have been so happy there (tho i am thinking of moving - more news on that soon). I have felt more energised this year, holding my head high with a spring in my step, or as much as i can spring with these dodgy knees of mine. I've keyhole surgery that only marginally improved my mobility which is very severe. I had a wonderful 2 week holiday with my step mother who came to stay in June. And then Stuart came back into my life in August and i feel so happy and it is with this new found happiness that i look forward to 2010.
To all my fellow bloggers, thank you for your friendship and comments. One of my new years resolutions is to have a 'correspondence' evening each week and to re establish my blogging too. I enjoy it so much, both writing and reading others. Happy New Year to you all, i hope this is the start of a wonderful decade.
Big Love
Jaynee X
2009 was a year of moving on - it is now three years since my Mum passed away. Its been difficult adjusting to life without her. My life will never be the same and i have learnt to accept that now and realise that life is still good but in a different kind of way. I moved into my lovely little flat by the sea at the end of March and have been so happy there (tho i am thinking of moving - more news on that soon). I have felt more energised this year, holding my head high with a spring in my step, or as much as i can spring with these dodgy knees of mine. I've keyhole surgery that only marginally improved my mobility which is very severe. I had a wonderful 2 week holiday with my step mother who came to stay in June. And then Stuart came back into my life in August and i feel so happy and it is with this new found happiness that i look forward to 2010.
To all my fellow bloggers, thank you for your friendship and comments. One of my new years resolutions is to have a 'correspondence' evening each week and to re establish my blogging too. I enjoy it so much, both writing and reading others. Happy New Year to you all, i hope this is the start of a wonderful decade.
Big Love
Jaynee X
Saturday, 17 October 2009
Socks so far ..
Hello :o)
This is a picture of my sock - fab eh ?! It will soon be transformed into a Sock Monster......lol....but right now i am heading off to the flicks to watch the latest Harry Potter movie with my friend Sarah. We are going to the childrens showing, £2.99 which includes popcorn and a drink...ye'ha!
Speaky soon ;o)
Wednesday, 14 October 2009
Sock Creatures
Hello :o)
How annoying, i wrote an entry last night while i was high on drugs (that'll be paracetamol) playing really, really loud music and dancing around the kitchen to 'Sensuality, Love, Devotion' and i lost the entire entry........ Hmmm, maybe jus as well..... he hee :o)
I have discovered 'Sock Creatures', and all i am going to say is 'Watch this Space' ;o)
Speaky soon xx
How annoying, i wrote an entry last night while i was high on drugs (that'll be paracetamol) playing really, really loud music and dancing around the kitchen to 'Sensuality, Love, Devotion' and i lost the entire entry........ Hmmm, maybe jus as well..... he hee :o)
I have discovered 'Sock Creatures', and all i am going to say is 'Watch this Space' ;o)
Speaky soon xx
Friday, 9 October 2009
Love & Pain
Hello :o)
I would like to say i am jus fab but the truth is i am feeling very sad. A very dear friend, who some of you will know has jus been given bad news. His cancer is incurable and has been told he only has a few months to live.
Cancer is a very cruel disease. My ex husband fought it for a year, some years later i was to fight it myself, my mother fought it and sadly died after 5 years - i can't believe she will have been gone 3 years this December, her sister also fought it. Did you know that one in every four people will be diagnosed with Cancer at some point in their life. Its a very scary thought isn't it?
Life is so precious, consider what you have and hold it very close - love does last forever, but one day when you wake that love will bring with it pain.
Speaky soon X
I would like to say i am jus fab but the truth is i am feeling very sad. A very dear friend, who some of you will know has jus been given bad news. His cancer is incurable and has been told he only has a few months to live.
Cancer is a very cruel disease. My ex husband fought it for a year, some years later i was to fight it myself, my mother fought it and sadly died after 5 years - i can't believe she will have been gone 3 years this December, her sister also fought it. Did you know that one in every four people will be diagnosed with Cancer at some point in their life. Its a very scary thought isn't it?
Life is so precious, consider what you have and hold it very close - love does last forever, but one day when you wake that love will bring with it pain.
Speaky soon X
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