I cannot believe we are at the start of yet another decade. What makes the years go so fast ? I retire in the year 2022 and that is scarily not that far away. My mind wanders to that year and tries to imagine what i will look like, how physically fit will i be and what will my financial status be?
I want a good retirement, whatever i am able to afford i want it to be fun. Its all just twelve years away ...... oh my goodness, twelve years. I am more than halfway thru my life........my mortality is getting closer. I think of the generations of family above me that have all passed on including my parents and life feels so short, i also think of time past and how much of it i have wasted or frittered away and how i thought there was plenty of time, but there is never plenty of time, i realise this now i am older.
What do you believe in ? i believe there is another life after this one, and hopefully several more after that one. I just cannot believe we go thru this life experiencing so much for there not to be something at the end of it - it would be so pointless. De ja Vue ? flashbacks of a previous life, your brain trying to tell you something about your previous life or maybe even a future life. I don't know, it hurts to much to think about it (laughs).
Life is exciting, every day is exciting, not knowing what the day has in store for you is exciting, i feel happy and full of hope every day - ok, so some days this feeling hides itself, but its never far from the surface. It feels good to be alive and i feel lucky to have a roof over my head, a job and some money in my purse, to have good friends who care. Friendships are so important, and you have to nurture, encourage and show love to make them grow. I wish i lived nearer to all my brothers, i miss them and think of them and when we were kids, how close we were, how we liked to play and how our parents encouraged us to love each other. That feels like a lifetime ago - and now my brothers have children of their own, and those children are just reaching the age of 30 who have children of their own - life repeating itself.
So here i am, my 53rd Birthday just months away from me. Some people have complied a tick list of what they wish to achieve by the time they are 50. I have no such list, i guess i could write one, 'Things i wish to have done by the time i am 60' ........ Hmmmm.... i've always wanted to see the sunrise at Stonehenge, i'd like to go to 'Glastonbury Fest', even to see the Great Wall of China would be fab and i guess if i put my mind to it i could come up with lots of weird and wonderful things, but the truth is i do not have a passion or a fire inside me that drives me to achieve these things. I am contented. I have never really been driven to strive for anything or felt such passion to achieve. I do have a passion for friends and family and life, this passion was shown to me by my parents, i've never stepped outside the box to expect more, i have always known what was obtainable and to be happy with this. Does that sound too simple ? Life is not complicated and i like the saying 'life is what you make it' it is exactly that. We are in control, i am in control, this is my life it will be whatever i choose it to be within the realms of realism.
2010 has two new beginnings for me. I have fallen deeply in love with Stuart. We met about 8 years ago, we became friends, i never imagined then that i would love him this much. My other new beginning is another move, but only up the road, another new home which i will be sharing with my friend Sandra. She says we will be like the 'golden girls' (giggling) this has just got to be experienced to be believed (giggles). I am looking forward to the year ahead, it will be whatever i choose it to be.
Speaky soon :o)