Monday, 11 January 2010

Time

Hello :o)

I cannot believe we are at the start of yet another decade. What makes the years go so fast ? I retire in the year 2022 and that is scarily not that far away. My mind wanders to that year and tries to imagine what i will look like, how physically fit will i be and what will my financial status be?

I want a good retirement, whatever i am able to afford i want it to be fun. Its all just twelve years away ...... oh my goodness, twelve years. I am more than halfway thru my life........my mortality is getting closer. I think of the generations of family above me that have all passed on including my parents and life feels so short, i also think of time past and how much of it i have wasted or frittered away and how i thought there was plenty of time, but there is never plenty of time, i realise this now i am older.

What do you believe in ? i believe there is another life after this one, and hopefully several more after that one. I just cannot believe we go thru this life experiencing so much for there not to be something at the end of it - it would be so pointless. De ja Vue ? flashbacks of a previous life, your brain trying to tell you something about your previous life or maybe even a future life. I don't know, it hurts to much to think about it (laughs).

Life is exciting, every day is exciting, not knowing what the day has in store for you is exciting, i feel happy and full of hope every day - ok, so some days this feeling hides itself, but its never far from the surface. It feels good to be alive and i feel lucky to have a roof over my head, a job and some money in my purse, to have good friends who care. Friendships are so important, and you have to nurture, encourage and show love to make them grow. I wish i lived nearer to all my brothers, i miss them and think of them and when we were kids, how close we were, how we liked to play and how our parents encouraged us to love each other. That feels like a lifetime ago - and now my brothers have children of their own, and those children are just reaching the age of 30 who have children of their own - life repeating itself.

So here i am, my 53rd Birthday just months away from me. Some people have complied a tick list of what they wish to achieve by the time they are 50. I have no such list, i guess i could write one, 'Things i wish to have done by the time i am 60' ........ Hmmmm.... i've always wanted to see the sunrise at Stonehenge, i'd like to go to 'Glastonbury Fest', even to see the Great Wall of China would be fab and i guess if i put my mind to it i could come up with lots of weird and wonderful things, but the truth is i do not have a passion or a fire inside me that drives me to achieve these things. I am contented. I have never really been driven to strive for anything or felt such passion to achieve. I do have a passion for friends and family and life, this passion was shown to me by my parents, i've never stepped outside the box to expect more, i have always known what was obtainable and to be happy with this. Does that sound too simple ? Life is not complicated and i like the saying 'life is what you make it' it is exactly that. We are in control, i am in control, this is my life it will be whatever i choose it to be within the realms of realism.

2010 has two new beginnings for me. I have fallen deeply in love with Stuart. We met about 8 years ago, we became friends, i never imagined then that i would love him this much. My other new beginning is another move, but only up the road, another new home which i will be sharing with my friend Sandra. She says we will be like the 'golden girls' (giggling) this has just got to be experienced to be believed (giggles). I am looking forward to the year ahead, it will be whatever i choose it to be.

Speaky soon :o)

7 comments:

Jan said...

Oh Jaynie lovely to hear from you ,I have a Christmas card here for you I didnt send it cos I remembered youd moved and I didnt have your new address ,Thankyou for your lovely card ,I cant believe it is three years since your lovely Mum died ,Make the most of those twelve years believe me they will fly ,but retirement can be fun too ,love ya Jan xx

madcobug said...

I am glad that things are going good for you Jayne.That retirement will be here before you know it. Time flies. I hope when you move that you and your friend will get along great. Helen

Andy said...

What lovely sentiments. I hope this decade brings you everything that you want. Friendship is so very important and I treasure your friendship and support during my illness. It gave me the courage and strength to survive the treatment and I hope that our friendship survives and that I am still able to chat to you in the next decade.
Andy xxx

mortonlake said...

youre second best post.ever.you know what i think was first.moving?dont blame you if its going to be good,stuart? im jealous.lol.you know i love you to bits and want you to be happy,and im glad for you,time gallops away from us jaynee.take care hun,love mort xxx

topchelseagirl said...

Good to hear you sounding so contented Jaynee. How exciting re moving and Stuart. Keep us posted.
x

Andrew Petcher said...

Don't wish your life away, it's what you do tomorrow that is important!

Tawnya said...

I missed getting a card from you this year, although I saved one in case I did so that I could send it. Sounds like you have a wonderful thing going on!! Congrats!!!